How to survive Starting Over
Guest Post By Menellia Valcent
Queue the year 2012, filled with so many downs and when my life came to what I thought was a standstill. After 5 years of working as an administrative assistant within a consulting firm which I absolutely loved, developing my supervisory skills, partying with friends like there was no tomorrow, having the perfect apartment, relationship getting on the roll along came one glitch. In a matter of a month, everything started tumbling down. It first started with me having to find a new job, suffering from chronic migraines, stressed to the point of my hair literally falling out, and then being almost homeless due to having to give up my apartment because of mold infestation. Let’s not even talk about the relationship chapter.
It was also the year that I made the “adult” decision to make some serious sacrifices and decision in terms of longstanding friendships, getting out of my comfort zone and cutting my hair off and most importantly finances. Being on cloud 10 of your life to have it all suddenly ripped from you will leave you with 2 decisions. The unfortunate first option of giving up and succumbing to and endless depression, or the second, grabbing the reins and developing ways to start your life over; the latter being my choice.
Starting over can be extremely hard, but it not impossible. I knew that I wanted to get out of the slump for sure, but hoping and not taking action will not get you there. These tips can help make the process easier.
- Changing your mindset & control your thoughts.
This one was the most difficult as having so many negative situations come my way in a domino effect was not easy. But if you want to get to the prize you need to start bringing it to the forefront of your mind day in and out. Start reading positive and inspirational books. Two of my favourite books during that time was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho “I call it my soul searching guide” and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. During that year, I also became obsessed with the Law of Attraction, since I was all about getting rid of the negative factors and trying to see positive opportunities in my negative situations. My mantra for an ENTIRE Year surrounded excerpts from “The Secret”, reading about the law of attraction, starting my day with positive affirmations, reading other persons success stories; all of which provided me with mental foundation & strength to move forward to the next step.
- Re-evaluate Your Relationships
I think that there is a saying of some sort which speaks “people come into your life for a season and a reason”, or something of the sort, it speaks the truth. Usually, during our most difficult trials, we find out the value of the relationships we hold. Unfortunately, some of these can be disappointing, and you need to make the decision to let go of those not providing any positive benefits to you and your life, and that includes the one you have with yourself. Not taking care of you, not practicing self-love and appreciation can be a very detrimental thing to your happiness and overall health. I always thought that we were made to always be in a relationship from the “adult” age onwards, but a friend told me once “YOU need to learn to do things BY yourself, WITH yourself” and it was an eye opener. I never knew how much I could learn about me until then. If you take anything from this entire post, it should be this “in order to have a healthy and happy relationship, you need to give value to the one you have with yourself” It is the most important one you will EVER have, and if you allow mediocrity and self-destruction, you will only attract the same from others. Take the time out to evaluate each and every relationship you have with your closest friends, don’t be biased, and be honest and sacrifice the ones which brought you pain, hardships et al on a recurring basis. Spend god quality time with yourself and figure out who you truly are and embrace that. If you are serious about starting over, you need to wipe the slate clean of all the bad stuff…
- Don’t Limit Yourself
Every stage in life requires us to learn something new. If life came with a guidebook, it would be too easy after all and we would learn nothing. If you are seeking out a new job but don’t have the skill, instead of saying “I don’t meet the qualifications”, here’s an opportunity to LEARN IT. There are SO many resources like Coursera providing free courses from a range of subject, mathematics, administrative duties, management, language skills etc. From my first job, I made the decision to one day be an administrative consultant, and I had amassed some great skills to get there “and I have made great headway since then” but I had to learn to utilize whatever resources were at my disposal. Take an account of your skills, your gifts, your attributes, what YOU are capable of achieving and continuously build on it.
Every time I end up in a situation where I need to start from scratch, I remind myself of that “pre-midlife crisis” and take myself through the same steps to achieve the result that I desirable want. It is as difficult as YOU allow it.
Menellia is a personal style and lifestyle blogger whose aim is to help & persuade ambitious people to realize that they are capable of achieving anything that they set their minds & hearts too. Currently a Sales Administrator, she loves using her life’s experiences as examples in every message she delivers, in a way to connect with others on a personal level. When she’s not figuring out how she’s going to style her next outfit for her Style Blog Nothing But Velvet, or working on her next motivational post for Menellia Valcent, you can find her sipping a coffee, wine or stuffing her face with chocolate & listening to french Rap. An advocate for positive thinking, personal and professional development, she starts her days not only by preparing it with affirmations but shares it in a confidence booster for others. Check her out on Instagram Facebook and Twitter